chainsaw010

Born this way

When I was growing up, my mom listened to Yes (and various incarnations thereof) a lot. She taught me, through this, that if you do nothing else in the world: LOVE. A lot. Unconditionally, in that godly way. 

It's really hard to love that way, because when you do you have to let go of your expectation to receive something in return. It's so hard, because everyone else around you is trying to say that the only love worth giving is the kind that gets a direct return on investment. Like, I give you 2♥, and you give me back 4♥, like love is some kind of business.

Well, it's not. Giving away my 2♥, doesn't mean that I now have 2 fewer ♥, because ♥ isn't measured the same way $ is. It's not finite. When I give away my 2♥, I sometimes get 2♥ back because when you give love freely, it never leaves your emotional bank account; other times, when I give away my 2♥, I get 4♥ back because I gave some to myself by giving it to someone else, AND they gave me some of theirs. 

So, sometimes, I make emotional investments without first checking to see what I should expect my rate of return to be. I've been hurt by that in the past. I've made those investments in people who probably didn't "deserve" it, but who needed it nonetheless, and I've been burned. Staring at the sun for too long, burned. Walking across the Sahara on a hot day, burned. The kind of burn that goes into your soul and changes you. A lot. But I always go back to two lyrics from two different songs from that band, Yes:

"So, giving all the love you have, never be afraid to show your heart" ("Brother of Mine", which is actually ABWH, but it's in the Yes discography)

"Now, giving all the love you have, you will always get it back" ("Magnification")

And I let it go. I'm just as afraid of getting hurt as anyone else, but that burn does change you just as much as the love changes you. Growth hurts. It sometimes hurts more to let go and just love people that it does to be lonely, but the difference you make in your own life once you realize that you control how much ♥ you have in your emotional bank account, is worth the pain. It's worth all the shit you went through when you were a kid. It's worth all the scars you have from love gone bad. It's worth having to remember people you love who have died by their own hands. It's worth the tightness you get in your chest when you tell someone new that you're smitten over them. 
zilla

The Ultimate Meme of Ultimate Destiny Day 10

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs (too lazy to post all the trackbacks, they're all there)
Day Eight: Three turn ons
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why
Day Ten: One confession

I... love... cheese.
zilla

The Ultimate Meme of Ultimate Destiny Day 9

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs (too lazy to post all the trackbacks, they're all there)
Day Eight: Three turn ons
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why
Day Ten: One confession


2. Cuz I'm sick and surrounded by tissues.


1. Self explanatory
eddie

The Ultimate Meme of Ultimate Destiny Day 8

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs (too lazy to post all the trackbacks, they're all there)
Day Eight: Three turn ons
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why
Day Ten: One confession

3. Hilarity ensuing
2. And of my top 10 Beefcakes in a movie together
1. Specific kinds of consensual touching